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Joss Whedon's "Self-Insert"
OK, I was wrong.
Check out this Joss Whedon interview: https://freshairarchive.org/segments/joss-whedon. At about timestamp 7:10, he states Xander was based on himself: "As far as who I relate to, Xander was obviously based on me, the sort of guy that all the girls want to be best friends with in high school, who's kind of a loser but is more or less articulate and someone you can trust".
Nonetheless, I'm still crazy about the description of Xander as a "self-insert". That implies to me more of a cardboard cutout than a character. Xander is different from Whedon in many ways, including, as I've posted about the in past, his formal education (or lack thereof). Note that in this same interview Whedon also says he identifies with Giles.
And Xander's relationship with Buffy also doesn't seem very self-inserty. Part of his defining character in the early seasons is that he has the hots for her, but does he get her? Nope. She's not interested and that's that. It doesn't matter how he feels.
Much as I love Buffy/Spike, they are more problematic in this regard. Her "no" does eventually become a "yes". It takes a lot - I find her entire relationship with Spike from School Hard to Chosen to be completely in character and believable. But I still find it a problematic portrayal.
(Note that I am going by the show not the comics - haven't read them)
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I dunno about that - self-insert doesn't necessarily imply giving that character what they want. I suspect Whedon maybe identified with Xander partly as 'the one with girl friends but not girlfriends'.
Plus ofc letting them get together wouldn't have worked at all with the story they were telling, which speaks to your point about Xander being a layered character. The storytelling & character development is the priority.
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