A Chasing After Wind

 I've seen it most recently with the controversy over Joss Whedon. A creative genius is defended for bad behavior on the grounds that geniuses are often "eccentric".

 

Now, I know that "eccentric behavior" in this context is actually a euphemism for "asshole behavior". But I want to take the word "eccentric" at face value for a moment.

 

When I was in my early twenties, I had a year that I look back on as my "Year of Depression". I spent almost an entire year in a funk. One thing I remember thinking, often, that because I wasn't some kind of genius, it wasn't OK for me to be weird, different, eccentric, etc. It's OK for geniuses to be like that - not the rest of  us. The rest of us are losers.

 

I have a much more positive opinion of myself now in all kinds of ways. But one thing I strongly believe now is that everyone has a right to be eccentric - not just geniuses. And if by "eccentric" you mean "acting like an asshole" - well, no one has a right to be like that, genius or otherwise.

 I am officially coming out as asexual to my livejournal friends.
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So I read this link on Tumblr. And on the one hand, I agree that you can't force a kid to enjoy a famous monument. But on the other hand, I think "You're bored! Here, have a screen," is a really bad precedent to set. When I was a kid we didn't have portable screens, and when I was bored (dragged along to my sister's softball games, for example), I played pretend games or read books. Kids are very impressionable, and they don't need to be getting the message that the solution to boredom is phones, gameboys, and more.

I've been re-reading some old entries, and comments I made. It's interesting to try to see myself from the outside. I think we all have to have something of a pose when we post publicly online, but I worked so hard on maintaining mine that I never thought about what it looked like from the outside. I think you could tell I was angry. I think it's sort of like I had a double pose - one pose to protect myself, and another pose to hide how angry I was about having to maintain the first pose. I'm not so angry these days, at least.

I do come on too strong, sometimes. I'm aware of that in myself. I think that comes from fear, and trying too hard to cover it up.

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In other news, I wanted talk about why I like Pam from Jessica Jones

What I like about Pam is that she's the naïve secretary and she knows it - but she thinks that knowing she's naïve means she isn't. She thinks she knows that Jeri’s a real shark. That’s why she fell for Jeri, after all. She appears to maintain control in the relationship: . When she finds out that the restaurant Jeri is taking her to was the restaurant where Jeri proposed to Wendy, she makes it clear she wants to go elsewhere. She’s the one pushing Jeri to be more badass in dealing with Wendy. . She refuses Jeri’s marriage proposal, saying she doesn’t want to get engaged until after the divorce (“I’m Catholic”). When Wendy reveals to Pam in front of Jeri some unscrupulous behavior Jeri had engaged in, Pam pretended that she had known all along, and expressed frustration at Jeri for not telling her only after Wendy has left.

Pam thinks she knows what to expect and what can can handle where Jeri is concerned. But she doesn’t. She is, in fact, the naïve secretary. She is too young. Eventually all these little things build up and there are bigger and bigger things and she has to face the truth: Jeri is not someone she can have a relationship with.

Thought I should drop a line to let you all know that I’m taking a break from fandom. I’m currently between jobs, and I don’t think that’s a good mental state for me to be interacting with fandom. I hope you all are well.

I'm talking a leave of absence from fandom of indeterminate length for mental health reasons. I had a nervous breakdown/psychotic break. It's probably a once-in-a-lifetime sort of thing. I have a good support network and am making a good recovery. I'm sorry if I caused anyone any grief. I hope you all are having fun. I need some space in order to take care of myself right now.