My Favorite Beatles Lyric + Thoughts on Lennon/McCartney during the Let It Be Sessions

[itsnotmymind]

My favorite Beatles lyric is from Girl. Well, for pure emotion, I go with "You and I have memories longer than the road that stretches out ahead" from Two of Us. But for a lyric as a lyric, it's Girl.

"When I think of all the times I tried so hard to leave her / she will turn to me and start to cry / and she promises the earth to me and I believe her / after all this time I don't know why"

Girl is an odd little song. John claimed that it was a dream of a future relationship: the girl; she was a dream, but the words are all right. It wasn't just a song, and it was about that girl - that turned out to be Yoko, in the end - the one that a lot of us were looking for. He also said of the song, This was about a dream girl. When Paul and I wrote lyrics in the old days we used to laugh about it like the Tin Pan Alley people would.

But the lyrics of the song situation it firmly in the past ("Is there anybody going to listen to my story / All about the girl who came to stay? / She's the kind of girl you want so much / It makes you sorry; / Still, you don't regret a single day.") I have never been able to shake the feeling that the song, consciously or otherwise, is about Julia.

It also for me illuminates some of John's behavior during the Let It Be sessions. Let It Be, after all, was Paul's hardcore attempt to woo John back to the Beatles. When John wrote Don't Let Me Down (the unfinished sentence, "And if somebody loved me like she do me"), Paul wrote Oh! Darling, and specifically point out the pattern of the lyrics: "I'd never let you down". Oh! Darling is stunningly similar to similar to the behavior of the title character in girl. Paul begs John to believe him: "Oh! Darling, please believe me / I'll never do you no harm / Believe me when I tell you / I'll never do you no harm". He also admits nearly being brought to tears: "When you told me you didn't need me anymore / Well you know I nearly broke down and cried / When you told me you didn't need me anymore / Well you know I nearly broke down and died".

And John did want his relationship with Paul to continue. I have recently become convinced that Dig a Pony is about Paul: Yoko wasn't the one getting her way during the Let It Be sessions, and the fact that John later dismissed it as "garbage" also implies that it wasn't about her. "All I want it you / everything has got to be just like you want to do".

And yet, John's behavior during the Let It Be sessions hardly seemed that of a man who wanted to give Paul McCartney all he wanted. In fact, in crosshair< 's transcripts of the sessions, there's a moment when Paul seems to acknowledge that the song is about him, and John seems more cautious:

PAUL: [sincere] I love that one.

JOHN: [guarded] Thank you.

PAUL: [insistent] I really really do.

JOHN: Thank you. [quiet] I enjoy it too. Sometimes. [pause] So that’s done.

PAUL: Um—

JOHN: Next, please.

It's the story of the girl. "After all this time I don't know why". I do think John believed Paul, when he heard Oh! Darling, when Paul told him how much he loved Dig a Pony, I think he did believe Paul. But here's the thing: by the time John became inseparable from Yoko, I think he had given up. The message he was getting from Paul was that Paul might love him, but not the way he loved Paul. Paul did not need him the way he needed Paul. The intensity of the relationship was most in John's head. So he had despaired, but not entirely, or he wouldn't have brought Yoko into the studio, curious what kind of reaction he would get. What he got was a Paul who was suddenly needy, and desperate, and falling apart in music.

But for John, long before he fell in love with Paul McCartney, to believe was to be burned. His relationship with Paul was supposed to be different, but Paul decided to stay in the city while John fell into a depression in suburbs. Paul would ask a group of people for help with song lyrics rather than single John out as a promise that their relationship was special. It was a little of little things like that that left John wondering if he had imagined their closeness.

Bringing Yoko into the studio was the plot Paul's song Another Girl - but Paul was the girl being taught a lesson. But John couldn't believe Paul. Paul's grandiose promises might be in John's head, just a meaningless lyric that he mistakenly thought had meant something. And even if it wasn't, even if Paul really was trying to communicate with him, then it was just too much. It was too much to believe. Or, rather, John did believe - and the very fact that he believed made him guarded and mistrustful.

Comments

And I say it just to reach you....

[selenak.livejournal.com]

I have never been able to shake the feeling that the song, consciously or otherwise, is about Julia.

I can see that, and not surprisingly, I think Julia (without meaning to) formed the way John loved people, and what he expected/feared/believed. Also why complete devotion and submission, a la Cynthia and May, wouldn't in the long term do the reassurance trick, and why the balance was so difficult to achieve. On the one hand, John required believing that he, and no one else, was your absolute No.1. emotional priority, otoh, he also required having to work for your attention, or else he'd bulldozer you over. Yoko managed for good. Paul managed for a while but then the balance was lost. With Julia, there was always competition, and in terms of how that shaped John's later relationships, I think it's significant this competition didn't just come in the form of Julia's common-law second husband (John would have been too young to recall Julia's earlier boyfriends), but specifically her second family. Because it proved that Julia could, in fact, raise children, wanted to raise children, made a success of raising them (until her death), and yet at the same time hadn't (as far as he knew) been willing to do this for John. Yes, it was fun to have Julia as a fellow rebel, not an authority figure laying down rules the way Mimi did, but you can't tell me John wasn't at times envious of his younger half sisters. (This being said, he did care for them and said in a 70s letter he wanted them to live with him and Mimi after Julia's death, but Mimi wouldn't consider it, plus him asking Hunter Davies to take out some nasty things he'd said about their father before the official biography was published is the only recorded example we have of John Lennon censoring himself to spare someone's feelings in time.) I'm not sure whether you got around to reading Lewisohn's biography yet, but in it he says that according to a memo Mimi wrote later, Julia on the day of her death had visited her to say Bobby (Dykins), who'd just lost his job, had said they couldn't afford having John as a guest so often anymore, that they barely had enough for their own two daughters.

Now Mimi in the memo claims she never told John, but given Mimi's track record with arguments with John (and other people) otherwise, I doubt that. Even if she managed, I don't think John ever had the impression he came first for Julia, or that she'd choose him over the other people in her life, if put in the position to choose. And this definitely imprinted him. (And ensured other people's families as red flags.)

Re: John testing Paul with Yoko, but not believing the results, because he couldn't; can see this, too. But also: by antagonizing instead of reconciling from 1968 - 1971 or thereabouts, he actually could believe he was Paul's emotional priority. In a negative way, but what do they say about neglected children and negative attention? What he got was a Paul McCartney who was unquestionably focused on what John Lennon thought/felt/said, who kept switching between trying to woo him back and argueing with him but definitely prioritized him. (Until Paul not budging on the Eastmans-for-Manager question seemed to show he was in fact prioritizing Linda the newbie.)

Re: And I say it just to reach you....

[itsnotmymind.livejournal.com]

I had not heard that story from Lewisohn, and I certainly find it plausible that Mimi met have told John. Is that part of why Bobby Dykins didn't take custody of the girls after Julia's death? I wonder who they would have handled it has Julia lived. What would they have told John?

But also: by antagonizing instead of reconciling from 1968 - 1971 or thereabouts, he actually could believe he was Paul's emotional priority. In a negative way, but what do they say about neglected children and negative attention?

That's a good point. By falling apart and become super needy when John withdrew, Paul encouraged John to user withdrawal as a tool to get undivided affection. I wonder if this was a factor even as far on as when John refused to sign the contact to dissolve the Beatles, as the stars weren't right? Poor George. I mean, being stuck in the middle of that dynamic.

Here's a question: How would things have gone if Allen Klein were on the level, if John had somehow found someone who was an acceptable choice for manager? Would Paul have given up the Eastmans and signed with him?

Speaking of Linda, I was reading Paul's infamous Beatles break-up announcement interview, and this jumped out at me:

Q: "What is Linda's contribution?"

PAUL: "Strictly speaking she harmonizes, but of course it's more than that because she's a shoulder to lean on, a second opinion, and a photographer of renown. More than all this, she believes in me - constantly."

I can't shake the feeling that "Linda believes in me constantly" was a bit of a dig. You know, "Unlike you, John."

Re: And I say it just to reach you....

[selenak.livejournal.com]

Is that part of why Bobby Dykins didn't take custody of the girls after Julia's death?

It was part of the reason, yes. I mean, he did get another job again later (and let's not forget, actually gave John some pocket money now and then after, which Lewisohn also notes, noting that for two people who didn't like each other much, they held on to the vestiges of a family relationship amazingly long after Julia had died), but at the time of Julia's death, he was unemployed and completely unable to cope emotionally as well. But that he didn't fight for his daughters after being employed again, well, search me. I mean, Younger Julia, Julia Baird, blames the Stanleys, but that's an easier emotional out than blaming her dead father, so who knows.

I wonder who they would have handled it has Julia lived. What would they have told John?

There isn't really a good way to say "Bobby's been sacked, please don't show up again until he's got another job, we can still meet at Mimi's", but it would have been some variation thereof, one assumes. As for the effect on John - nothing good comes to mind, either. And again, given how Mimi took John having contact with Alfred Lennon again in 1967-1969 as a personal insult and rejection of her parenting and had plenty of words to say about John's supposed ingratitude etc, I just can't imagine she kept the Julia conversation a secret from him. Especially since Mimi, at the time, did choose John over an alternative - let's not forget, Philip Norman unearthed she had plans for emigrating to New Zealand with her young lover the subletter. Which would have been Mimi's chance for a life where she wasn't the aunt, the responsible head of the clan, but simply a woman with no responsibilities other than to herself. Which Julia's death put an end to, because John could not be left alone in such a state.

(Obvious song connection: John contributing the lines of the parents in She's Leaving Home, which he did say was was "the kind of thing Mimi used to say".)

I wonder if this was a factor even as far on as when John refused to sign the contact to dissolve the Beatles, as the stars weren't right?

Oh, could be. I mean, John evidently did like that Paul was basically wooing him/making efforts for him during 1974, seeking him out in Los Angeles and New York. And he (John) in a very high school kind circumventious kind of way asked several people in the business what they would think of him working again with Paul, my favorite being the two "my Paul, your Paul" conversations, one public and one private, he had with Art Garfunkel. BTW, speaking of Simon & Garfunkel, I had an odd sense of deja vu yesterday when due to Carrie Fisher's sad death, I googled her and Paul Simon and got an essay on his relationships containing this quote:
"During this time we were singing together, I made a solo record. And it made Artie very unhappy. He looked upon it as something of a betrayal. That sense of betrayal has remained with him. That solo record that I made at the age of 15 permanently colored our relationship. We were talking about it recently and I said, ´Artie, for Christ´s sake, I was 15 years old! How can you carry that betrayal for so many years? Even if I was wrong, I was just a 15-year-old kid who wanted to be Elvis Presley for one moment instead of being the Everly Brothers with you. Even if you were hurt, let´s drop it.´ But he won´t.... He said, ´You´re still the same guy.´ And I think he thinks I am."

(In conclusion, guys in musical partnerships = eternal high school, for real.)

To get back to the point, I think John was testing the waters, but testing the waters also meant he didn't want to lose the emotional upper hand, which in his view he might have if it looked like he was more interested in getting back together than Paul was, and thus the "the stars aren't right" stunt was a fall back on what had worked (in a negative way) in "Let it Be". And yes, poor George, having his own relationship dramas going on at the same time, AND a career crisis, and only wanting to finally put an end to the Beatles business mess, and here's John again playing hard to get with Paul, condemming the rest of them to Greek Chorus existence once more.

Re: And I say it just to reach you....

[itsnotmymind.livejournal.com]

and let's not forget, actually gave John some pocket money now and then after, which Lewisohn also notes, noting that for two people who didn't like each other much, they held on to the vestiges of a family relationship amazingly long after Julia had died

I've always suspected that John blamed Bobby Dykins for the fact that he went to live with Mimi (which, if the whole story about him being removed because Julia was keeping him in the same room as her and Bobby is true, that's true, as well). I do think This Boy was written by someone who blamed his stepfather for taking his mother away from him (and then he turned around and did the same thing with Yoko and Julian...). But that doesn't mean he didn't feel some connection to Bobby Dykins on a personal level.

(Sidenote: I've sometimes wondered if maybe part of the reason John abandoned Julian at age five was because at age five was when John's mother left him. And Julian had a mother who put him first. And according to May Pang John really didn't like it when Cynthia came with Julian to the states. Maybe in addition to his own issues with Cynthia, he also didn't like seeing Cynthia was Julian.)

here's John again playing hard to get with Paul, condemming the rest of them to Greek Chorus existence once more.

I suspect that George was angry at Paul for indulging John's hard-to-getness than at John for doing it. Hence retaliating by siding with John against Paul.

And in the middle of negotiations....

[selenak.livejournal.com]

I can't shake the feeling that "Linda believes in me constantly" was a bit of a dig. You know, "Unlike you, John."

It definitely sounds like Paul in passive-aggressive "She's waiting for me" mode. Once more: he so lucked out with Linda, because I think he'd have married SOMEONE no matter what happened at this point just to show John, and this could have turned into such a disaster.

Hypothetical perfectly suited third party showing for manager: in an ideal scenario, this person wouldn't have been found by John but by either George or Ringo, thus allowing both Paul and John to save face. (Depending on when the alternative candidate would have shown up and how deeply entrenched in manager combat they already were.) I don't think Paul would have had the emotional energy to object to someone not Allen Klein (after Allen Klein) when he did want to save the band and repair his relationship with John for the longest time. (Also he was constitutionally incapable of saying no to John when John was in a good musically cooperative mood, see also recording for "The Ballad of John and Yoko" which was after all post Eastman/Klein vicious business meetings disasters.) And while it might have made things awkward on the (male) Eastmans front, basically Lee and John were realistic businessmen, and weren't dependent on representing either the Beatles as a group or Paul as an individual in any way. Especially if Alternative Candidate was someone whose reputation was good and who thus could be trusted to ensure Lee's grandkids would inherit a lot more cash. I don't think Linda would have taken it personally, either; she was enough of a fan to be emotionally invested in the band's survival, too, for quite a while.

Re: And in the middle of negotiations....

[itsnotmymind.livejournal.com]

and let's not forget, actually gave John some pocket money now and then after, which Lewisohn also notes, noting that for two people who didn't like each other much, they held on to the vestiges of a family relationship amazingly long after Julia had died

I've always suspected that John blamed Bobby Dykins for the fact that he went to live with Mimi (which, if the whole story about him being removed because Julia was keeping him in the same room as her and Bobby is true, that's true, as well). I do think This Boy was written by someone who blamed his stepfather for taking his mother away from him (and then he turned around and did the same thing with Yoko and Julian...). But that doesn't mean he didn't feel some connection to Bobby Dykins on a personal level.

(Sidenote: I've sometimes wondered if maybe part of the reason John abandoned Julian at age five was because at age five was when John's mother left him. And Julian had a mother who put him first. And according to May Pang John really didn't like it when Cynthia came with Julian to the states. Maybe in addition to his own issues with Cynthia, he also didn't like seeing Cynthia was Julian.)

I don't think George and Ringo would have brought anybody to the management table, because I think they were both well aware that the situation was chaotic enough, and trying to bring in a third opinion would just make the chaos worse. That's why I feel sorriest for George and Ringo during the business crisis (at least, before the Beatles officially broke up, at which point I think Paul's perspective of just not wanting Klein as his manager was more than reasonable). They really were just crushed by the other two, and realistically there was nothing they could do that wouldn't make the situation worse.

I think if John had brought in a trustworthy person that same we he brought in Allen Klein (screaming verbal abuse at the Eastmans, signing with the guy without getting Paul's a agreement first), Paul would not have been inclined to accept the other party, even if they were trustworthy. But then again, someone besides Klein might have been less encouraging of John's abrasive behavior, so maybe that would have made a difference.

Re: And in the middle of negotiations....

[itsnotmymind.livejournal.com]

I don't think George and Ringo would have brought anybody to the management table, because I think they were both well aware that the situation was chaotic enough, and trying to bring in a third opinion would just make the chaos worse. That's why I feel sorriest for George and Ringo during the business crisis (at least, before the Beatles officially broke up, at which point I think Paul's perspective of just not wanting Klein as his manager was more than reasonable). They really were just crushed by the other two, and realistically there was nothing they could do that wouldn't make the situation worse.

I think if John had brought in a trustworthy person that same we he brought in Allen Klein (screaming verbal abuse at the Eastmans, signing with the guy without getting Paul's a agreement first), Paul would not have been inclined to accept the other party, even if they were trustworthy. But then again, someone besides Klein might have been less encouraging of John's abrasive behavior, so maybe that would have made a difference.